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It is a true fact that different people bring out different things in you. There are some people in life that you meet and you automatically feel a kinship with them. I have a friend like that. I met her nearly 20 years ago. She was vivacious, outgoing and friendly, and even a little crazy. I loved her from the start. We spent many years talking, laughing, bonding.
Within recent years because of marriage responsibilities, moving away, being busy, and life, we haven't had much opportunity to see each other face-to-face until recently. Seeing her personally was like a breath of fresh air. She was unchanged, and I loved to see it. It was as if we had seen each other yesterday. She was so familiar to me. Essentially the same person I met 20 years ago.
Thinking about the things that make us, us. There are the things passed along through the genes, like dimples, a bad temper, and the like. Then, there are the things we experience in life such as love, abuse, teasing, and fun. Of course, there's our parents who may have been generous with their time and care, or stressed in their life, strict or overly lenient. All of those factors make us, us.
When we have an understanding of who we essentially are and why, it provides insight into our relationships with others. Does one person remind you of the school kids who made fun of you relentlessly? Does another person remind you of and maybe smell like your grandmother, reminding you of the comforts of being in her arms? Is another person brash, taking you back to the years of living with an abusive person? Or perhaps is he or she sweet and mellow making you think of the person who kindly cared for you when you were sick in bed?
I honestly characterize one of my own personality traits as not a good one. I know it. It's a part of who I essentially am. I've thought about why I'm like that, where it might have stemmed, and what contributed to it. And, no, I'm not going to tell you what it is.
Even though it is a very keen part of me, it's not something I desire to be, so I've worked on it for years. Made efforts to overcome it. I find so many experiences in life filter through this trait so I keep aware of how it makes me feel, what it causes me think, and deliberately make choices based on the conclusions.
Some of those choices mean going against what I essentially am, but in the recognition of the fact that I'm not perfect, what is essentially me is constantly changing. Always working for the good, the better.
So be essentially you, but how important it is to realize "the only constant is change" is what they say. The willingness to make adjustments on yourself makes for self-peace and self-understanding, and understanding in our relationships with others.
Copyright 2005 Paula Lonergan.
All rights reserved.