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How Now, "Mad Cow!!"
Vol 8 Issue 1

Veggie Burgers, Soy and Tofu Meatloaf, doesn’t sound so bad after all now do they? After detecting the first cases of the dreaded “Mad Cow” disease in the state of Washington, just a few weeks ago, the meat recall has now somehow spread to 8 states, including Hawaii and even Guam. That’s right, I said Guam. First of all, I didn’t even think that Guam was a real place. I thought it was some fictitious place like Zion, in the Matrix or the Neverland Ranch, (because you can’t tell me that that guy doing the 60 Minutes interview a few weeks ago was real.)

One thing that I do know for sure is that when they have a big press conference and say, “Everything is okay, please don’t panic. There’s nothing to worry about.” It’s now time to panic. If my memory serves me correctly, didn’t people die in England from eating “Mad Cow” meat. One guy at the press conference said, “the parts of the cow that carry the disease, the brain, spinal cord and intestines are usually removed before the meat is processed. Usually!! That’s not a very good word to hear. It’s kind of like taking your car to get an oil change, having your engine lock up on you and when you go to confront the mechanic or shop owner, he tells you that, usually they put new oil back in the car after the old oil is taken out.

I’ve never seen brain, intestines or spinal cord on the menu, where I go to eat, and I will never, ever, ever sign up to be on Fear Factor. $50,000 is just not worth it, 50 million however, changes things a little bit, I might just eat it from a live cow. I do wish that they would stop showing the same black and white Holstein, that either has “Mad Cow” or had one to many at “Bossy’s Bar and Grill. That picture alone makes me want to go vegetarian, only for a minute though. (Hmmm! I wonder it it’s to late for reservations at Morton’s.)

I think I’ve finally figured out how “Mad Cow” is getting out. It has to be the hamburger meat. We should have been paying attention years ago to the little old lady who used to do commercials for Wendy’s. She tried to warn us. What did she always say, “where’s the beef?” Excuse me, I’ve got to go. My table is ready. What am I having you ask? Something grilled between 16 and 20 ounces, well seasoned and with a slightly pink middle.

Salmon, of course!

Commentary by michaellorenzo
Copyright 2004
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